dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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