so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
