This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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