That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
