I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
