DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
