I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
