fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize