I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
