Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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