areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
