So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
