nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize