help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
