i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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