Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
