toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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