i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
