I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
