Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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