Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
