he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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