Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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