Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
