There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize