You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
