So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
