my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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