My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
