I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
