Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
