I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
