How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
