this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
