wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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