3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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