i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
