wrigley field is MILF paradise
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
