just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
