We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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