john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
