Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
