That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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