Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
