I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
