a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
