There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
