It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize