jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
