I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
