Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
