Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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