just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
