why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
