And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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