Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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