oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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