u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
