these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize