This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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