ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
