I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
