life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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