Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
thus making me awesome and them whores
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
