the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize