The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
