Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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