addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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