It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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