Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
